I survived

Everything seemed dark, gray and DEAD. My breathing got more laboured, as my hands quivered. My heart twitched and ached in all places, as I tried to stay ALIVE. Just when I thought I conquered all my fears, this one kind of hell blew up all over my face, as lava of hot tears flowed through. The bittersweet taste of betrayal and anger lingered on my lips, as I remembered the last kiss, the last thing we shared together, the last moment when you really loved me. I tried to keep my heart from blowing up into pieces, tried not to over react, but the words blew up in all direction. Everything in me was dying; every cell was destroying the other.
It seems like centuries ago when I last looked straight into your eyes and said “I LOVE YOU”. Fast forward through time, through the sweet nothings and half-hearted apologies, I spend my nights hating the songs we once loved, waking up crying whenever I saw u in my dreams, the memories eating me alive. I spent my days thinking of what went wrong, lost in the world of anticipation of a better tomorrow. I kept myself busy, coping with the drastic change, as I filled the empty void that was once filled by you. I never thought my heart would have ached for you like that. I would sometimes catch myself staring blankly into the air, trying to fill my mind with meaningless thought, avoiding the thought of you.
But as the sun hid and rose from the mountains, I started to hate myself for acting so hopeless, for drifting into a nightmare I built to protect myself. As soon as I realized that, delusions of a better tomorrow became more real, as I started to accept defeat from the aimless cupid. I slowly and surely gained conscience of the things I have done, the things I have achieved and lost. I no longer felt the rush of regret, but rather, the rush of being someone new.
I may never find the heart to forgive you for what you did to me, for making me go through all those things just to forget you, but what I do want to do is to thank you. Because of you jerking off leaving me bleeding half to death, I found the courage to become stronger when it came to love. I have finally moved on, and am going through my life great without you. To that, I say, I survived. 
So that was a little dark. I wrote this when I was FOURTEEN. I think I was moving on from someone, and I really like to overreact on things and that’s how I write. Keep in mind this was all but a crush, one sided feelings. I thought like a “matured” kid then. It’s all so, weird to read what I wrote then. (shivers)
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36 Replies to “I survived”

  1. WOW – not too shabby for a 14 year old. Kids that young aren't supposed to know about this kind of stuff 🙂

  2. Written like someone who has been there and done that. At 14 I don't even think I liked boys yet.

  3. I think that it is cool to be able to go back and see things that you wrote a long time ago! And let me add… WOW!

  4. 14 years old? And you were dating? And your parents allowed it? Mine would have had the heart attack and locked me in my room for the rest of my life–at 14 I was busy playing with my dog. That said-even at 14 you certainly were a great writer.

  5. It was more of a crush. As i mentioned, I tend to over react with things.

  6. wow! There is such power in this. Well done.

  7. I love the passion (for everything) of a teenager! I think it's great you've got your work to look back at, my husband saved a lot of his too.

  8. Wow, beautiful writing skills even at 14! You have talent, and so pleased you are sharing your amazing writing on your blog!

  9. Fourteen and writing like this? You definitely may have to give this more focus as a possible career or maybe even something to do part-time as a hobby.

  10. That is amazing for being only 14, I am very impressed.

  11. That was quite well written for a 14 year old! It's funny looking back on things after time has passed, huh? 🙂

  12. I used to write a lot when I was younger too.. When I find them it amazes me how well I wrote when I can't seem to write like that today. Thanks for sharing! It was definitely a good read!

  13. Wow that is very deep for being 14 years old. It's amazing to look back and read the things you write from back then.

  14. Wow that is amazing for fourteen. I can only imagine what it's like to look back on things from such an age I have a few things from then but they are safely up in my parents loft. x

  15. I think teenagers feel things in an especially intense way so though it may seem as if you were overreacting, I think it probably felt that monumental to you at the time!

  16. You were a good writer even at fourteen. I had a similar crush at that age-very one sided.

  17. OH I remember my first heart break. I think all girls have a bit of overreact when your heart gets broken for the first time. It really does feel just like you wrote it.

  18. Very nice. Its amazing how differently we feel and deal with the emotional strains of life as we experience them at different ages. You will be so happy you kept writing so you can go back a read and remember how you felt.

  19. This is very well written for a fourteen year old!

  20. When did you start writing? This is deep for a 14 year old.

  21. Well, my teenage daughter is a prolific writer and artist and she is a lot like you, there is a lot of emotion and sometimes darkness in her work. She seems to live on angst as do many artists and writers. So you're perfectly normal I would say!

  22. 14 and wrote this? Even then you were an awesome writer but a little too young to be dating don't you think? 🙂

  23. It must be surreal to look back and read things you wrote even just a few years ago. People change so much in just a short time and it must seem like ages ago.

  24. I started writing when I was 14 too. And I dated at 15 🙂

  25. You reminded me of the times of my early teen years – it was not really that dark but in some point at some time – I used to have written such deep things like that too.

  26. As human beings, we are a lot more resilient than we think. I'm glad you are able to reflect on this as a learning experience.

  27. I think it is great for a 14 year old. I can relate to the shudder feeling of reading what you wrote back them. I do the same thing with my old writing.

  28. Good writing for when you were young. I am a writer and have been writing since I was eight. I like to look back to my writing back then to see how I've changed.

  29. I love going back and reading things I wrote when I was young. But yes, it is kind of weird to see how far you have come. It seems like a completely different person

  30. Wow, very nice! I know when I was 14 wrote pretty deep stuff like this.

  31. That is amazing writing at 14. It is always nice to keep things for years and then look back at what you wrote. Great writing and lots of emotion.

  32. Wow this is very powerful, passionate, and very beautiful all wrapped into one!

  33. Who doesn't suffer from breaking up? I love that you put pen to paper to help you through it.

  34. WOW.. you wrote that at 14.. AMAZING…love your stories and enjoy reading them all the time… keep it up..thanks for sharing

  35. Very good writing for a 14 year old.<br />What a cool story

  36. Wow. 14? This was absolutely beautifully written. I am so in awe of the sheer magnitude of your talent. I look forward to reading more.

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